So the last week of camp is arriving and I am in a mix of emotions about it. I am excited for camp to be over because it's just been a long summer and i've been sick and injured in some way every week. So in general I'm sad to be leaving camp but excited to hopefully rest before college.
When the summer comes I always discover many things. I'm in my own little world at camp surrounded by people who have the same love and compassion for God and sharing Him with children. Camp also makes me realize who truly cares. I have been there for approximately 68 days and how many people have called...visited...showed they cared...well lets just say you find out who your friends are. Thank you to the two/three of you who are probably reading this that have shown you i mean even the smallest bit to you. Just saying hi and asking how i was was enough to make me feel loved. Now I'm sure some of you are like wow she's cranky and bitter...but no in reality i'm not...i'm apathetic to the whole situation. i've accepted the truth and am moving on to bigger and better things...more important things like college and family and friends.
College starts in about 4 weeks and I say i'm excited and ready but inside i'm scared to death. Scared i'm going to fail and not get the grades i want like i could in high school. scared that i'm stupid and won't know how to live my life outside of my house in dells. Scared that people won't accept me for who i am and will judge me...scared that people won't like my "motherly" ways. That's another thing i've learned this year...i'm like a mother...so says many many people...i'm not sure how i feel about it...i want to hate it and stop talking completely but at the same time i want to accept it and be ok with the fact that i show people i care and don't want them hurt even though i'm acting like a mom in ways they may not like.
Boys confuse me...they always have and they always will. I'm afraid to commit myself to a relationship because i am afraid i'm not good enough. i'm afraid they will in 2 months find someone prettier and perfect and ya...right now i'm dealing with a boy who is so convincing that i'm perfect and worth waiting for but it makes me feel terrible that i can't give him what he wants to hear.
This is me spilling my heart to a blog that anyone can read...oh well...enjoy...don't judge me...i am who i am...we all are different people with our own confusions and complications and worries and fears.